All I Want for Christmas…

A pop-culture girly’s Christmas list

Hello everyone, we made it to December! Congratulations! If you’re anything like me you will have opened the first door of your advent and devoured the chocolate (or jam, or gin, but hopefully not the skin cream), and thought about what you want for Christmas. Yes, the season of consumerism is in full swing, so I thought I’d share with you my (totally serious and not at all tongue in cheek) Christmas list:

1 – Jonathan Bailey on a horse

Bonus points if they’re both presented under the tree with a bow on.

2 – A jar of marmalade made by Paddington bear

The Paddington movies are undeniably festive. I’m sure this would be as sweet as Ben Whishaw’s voice and would suit me on toast well into the new year.

3 – Literally any of Chappel Roan’s outfits

I don’t mind which one. I could rock a suit of armour, I’m sure I could style out high statue of liberty, and I regularly pine for a sequinned bodysuit. It would be incredible to feel as powerful as the new (drag) queen of pop, even just for a day.

4 – An apple

I could eat it while thinking about how I’ve inherited all of my mother’s flaws and how I wish I could just fly to the airport. Then light a cigarette with a bic lighter. Not sure about a white strappy top at this time of year… If anyone knows about the uniform for Brat Winter please let me know!!

5 – Literally any of Mabel Mora’s jumpers

Similar to item number 3. Whoever dresses Selena Gomez for Only Murders in the Building needs a raise, and an award, and to come and revamp my wardrobe immediately. Maybe the Brat Winter uniform could be cosy rollnecks??

6 – A New Year’s party as good as the O’Hara’s

Just in case you haven’t watched Rivals yet on Disney+, I’ll set the scene: it’s the 1980s, the champagne is on tap, and everyone is in their best black tie. Lady In Red is playing, a handsome rake asks to dance with you, and you don’t say no. The decadence, the drama, the shoulder pads and tulle!!!!

7 – A Bridgerton style corset

All this talk of handsome rakes couldn’t help but put me in mind of the ‘Ton. Nicola Coughlin wasn’t wrong when she said she’s a member of the perfect boobs community.

8 – The confidence of Raygun, the Australian Olympic breakdancer

Forget having the confidence of a mediocre straight man, if I had the confidence of this Aussie queen I would be literally unstoppable.

9 – To be bitten by Moodeng

Can’t explain this, but it feels like it would heal me spiritually.

10 – Just one vial of the substance

Come on, don’t pretend we wouldn’t all try it just once. Failing this, a cool 80s workout outfit would do.