Even in Death

I can’t describe the feeling of seeing a corpse,

especially when it's your father in a coffin made of pine

the cheapest wood in the market for funerals

but it still had its oiled edges and handlebars of gold.

I guess it’s kind of like being somewhere you expect to be crowded 

but you’re met with silence, with your mind

not being able to comprehend the vastness of space before 

your eyes, it makes you feel sick.

He looked like he was smiling, like a stock photo 

that real estate businesses might use for advertising.

ironic because his daughters were sobbing uncontrollably 

and he was just still, like he hadn’t noticed in the slightest. 

I can’t describe what talking to the dead feels like.

Your pouring of silly troubles to something

that will never respond to your cries like before,

makes you forget what it’s like to be held.

it’s like a blackout and all you can hear is a dribbly nose.

the body was held in an overly fancy bed,

with plush cushions like the ones in a Victorian novel

the kind of ones with a canopy 

but that was not my father lying there in soundless sleep

it was a vehicle minus the driver.

I remember putting Reese's cups in the casket

the extra-large ones, king-sized.

when he was pushed out for cremation all I could think about was how the

 chocolate would burn

and if the wrapper would be jutting out from the ashes.

We had to divide the dust from the dead body

is it humane to weigh each portion of someone out?

I imagine the funeral directors with their scales,

Taking a spoon to put the rest back when it hits 

10.3g, so it would be evenly distributed.

No family member would get more than the other.

that's a disgusting thought

measuring out the ash into sections like they’re dealing cocaine.

how much would someone charge per gram of someone's body?

would it depend on what they achieved in life?

if they had children or grandkids?

I think it's stupid.

assessing someone's worth over an accumulation of years.

I don't even know how much I’d charge for a grain of my own dust.

I’m a college student studying English and Creative Writing. I’ve always loved to read (i’ll read just about anything) and have always loved to write! I love to explore themes of family, complex relationships and expectations vs reality.